Executive producer Steven Spielberg has labelled this movie as ‘something like you have never seen before’. No this doesn’t mean a portrayal of dinosaurs with feathers, instead it means things that we have most definitely seen before.
The movie starts with a call to action, except Chris Pratt is not very excited but after hearing a few sentences changes his mind also there is a little girl snooping on her foster dad. Everyone goes to jurassic world Ezekial from the get down is there too, even the military general who’s seems fine but has a lot of guns is there.
Chris goes to the forest with Claire and the gang, Claire is wearing real shoes this time and spends the movie looking like she is about to open a present. Chris sees a nice dinosaur but the military man shoots it and is not nice after all. Chris is left in the jungle by himself because no wants to carry him out of there but Zia can come because she is light and can fix dinosaurs.
A dinosaur finds Ezekiel and Claire in the super secret dinosaur proof hiding hut, it wants to eat them so bad that it refuses to stop trying to get through the super hot lava that is now because erupting from the volcano because the movie is already 25 minutes in and it is time for some fireworks to justify the 3D glasses.
Everyone finds each other and start to run away, but a dinosaur that is on the brink of extinction due to pyroclastic volcano ash decides now is a good time to eat some people. But luckily another dinosaur who is on the brink of extinction due to pyroclastic volcano ash wants the humans to live so it stops the first dinosaur. The humans do live but not before using a gun underwater to break a dinosaur proof, bullet proof, crack proof pod that was jimmied off with a knife that Chris swam away to find.
Now the island is almost gone our friends need to get on the boat that is leaving. There is a truck that everyone forgot to put on the boat that the captain also forgot to close the back of. The military men have loaded the boat with expensive dinosaurs and are on high alert. Claire, Chris and Ezekiel jump the military truck from the dock to the moving boat and park it in the middle of the soldiers. Claire puts a green cap on to let everyone know that this is business as usual and that they can carry on.
Blue, everyones favourite dinosaur needs blood, luckily a very different dinosaur nearby has plenty of blood because it is a Tyrannosaurus rex. This is the most dangerous dinosaur on a boat full of dinosaurs who all seem to have the same blood type so Claire and Chris go to get some. Chris wants Claire to stab the Tyrannosaurus for the blood so they argue and then she does. Luckily all the military people have gone to bed so no one hears when the Rex wakes up. One person does hear, but their job is done after closing the door to the cage, that person goes back to bed right away and doesn’t catch Claire and Chris when they jump out of the cage.
It’s time to load the dinosaurs into the super secret mansion where an old dinosaur enthusiast lives with the little girl and a young business man. The little girl catches the business man being sneaky in the super secret lab 3 floors underground that is protected by a four digit access code just like an iPhone 6. They are busy thinking about business and don’t see her feet as she crawls past them. She goes to tell the nice old man about the secret and wrong meeting but he wants to sleep so he sends her away. She gets caught being sneaky and is sent to her room on the very top floor of the mansion.
The dinosaurs are being taken into the mansion now because it is very very big. Chris and Claire drive past a guard but he thinks that their military truck looks more suspicious than all the other military trucks so he calls the general. The general catches them and puts them in a cell near the dinosaurs but not with the dinosaurs but right next to them. Then the business man who’s is called Mills and Toby Jones greet all the guests who are probably coming to the mansion to see some dinosaurs. Because they are such experienced greeters no one sees the little girl who is called Maisee climbing out of her window in her bright red jumper as she goes to find a way out of her room.
All of a sudden it is time for eat he guests to bid on the auction that Toby is helping with. All the guests have forgotten that the earth already has Crocodiles that are pretty much dinosaurs but don’t cost $10 Million. Eventually the Genetically modified and very angry Indoraptor is shown and everyone wants a piece. The Indoraptor is mad and just like a cat, hates red laser dots. However, during the auction Chris got a Stygimoloch to help him out of his cell because he did some whistling. The Stygimoloch didn’t have feathers either but did have a hard head that it really likes to use to run into people. Chris put it in an elevator and sent it to the auction floor and it started head butting people and then Chris starts fighting highly trained mercenaries who have weapons used to subdue dinosaurs and he beats them and every one runs away.
The general whom likes to collect dinosaur teeth wants the tooth of the indoraptor. So he shoots it with tranquilliser twice but as long has not liking red dots it also has a sense of humour and just pretends to be asleep. The dinosaurs tricked the general and bites his arm off but there is no blood because this is a family movie that every can watch. Then he eats the rest of the general but only in out of focus shots because of the kids. Now the dinosaur is free and wants to eat everyone. Unfortunately only Chris, Ezekiel, Claire, Maisee and Zia along with some mercenaries.
The Indoraptor wants to eat everyone but wants to eat Maisee the most. The lights go out and the Indorapter discovers that it has the same senses as a human being and can’t see in the dark. Maisee runs away and luckily is better at running up the stairs with her 9 year old legs than the dinosaur killing machine. She finds a safe space in the dumbwaiter that is in every room of the mansion except her top floor penthouse room that she was locked in earlier. There is some more running and then Maissee decides she is safer in her bed covers than when she was inside of the walls where the dinosaur can’t get her. Now the indorapter that could not run up stairs earlier has figured out that it can use a door handle and finds it’s way into her room. But it is ok because Chris Pratt knows just where to find them and has brought a dinosaur killing gun with two bullets. Two bullets are not enough though and soon they need a miracle to save them but instead they get everyones favourite dinosaur blue who is not a miracle because it was made by humans and humans can’t do miracles.
Now everyone is running on the roof and it looks bad but Claire who had a stabbed leg earlier has found a gun and decided she would find everyone on the roof and she was right. Claire decides she doesn’t want to shoot the dinosaur though and instead everyone agrees it is a much better plan to aim the red laser pointer at Chris’s chest so the dinosaur can charge him and he can slide underneath it and it can fall through the glass before reaching Maisee who is on the edge of the building and now without anyone to protect her. The plan doesn’t work because the dinosaur can climb up steel beams, just not stairs. But everyones favourite dinosaur Blue pushes him down the hole because Claire still didn’t want to use the gun. There is no dinosaur blood because kids can see a dinosaur get stabbed by a brontosaurus’s skull but not the blood that would result from it.
Jeff Goldblum appears in front of court and says some things about dinosaurs being extinct. Blue appears on a mountain over looking a town in Colorado. Blue probably solves the towns coyote problem and becomes an American hero in the next movie.